conscienceness: rejection

IMG_7889 copyWith my fingers above the keyboard I want to spill some thoughts but somewhere my body is choking, making my brain quiet and my fingers numb.
Over the past years I’ve tried many times to start a blog. Without succes, I never came far.
I imagened how I walked into a cafe and see the people who knew me stop talking and stare at me. I pictured them making jokes about my blog, hearing hurtful gossip.
For way too long I cared about what people thought of me. I supressed myself in such a way that I never started something that would put me in the spoghtlight.
I rather lived quiet in the shadows as there was less negativity.
It’s contradictive to work as a model, always entering the spotlight and trying to be as anomynous as possible.
I guess that modeling makes everything temporary.
Temporary apartment, model friends, jobs. If you put yourself out there, it doesn’t really matter. Everybody moves on and whatever happens, it won’t hunt you.
When you have a more permanent place, you can’t really do something crazy and striking without consequences. For that reason I’ve tried to be less noticable.
And you know what? There are always people whom dislike you for whatever reason. In the earliest days of mankind people must have gossiped already.
When you go to a party and meet new people they have an opinion about you instantly. It’s human.
And you can let yourself carry by this and try to blend in. Or just not give a damn and do what you want to do.
It will attract some people’s attention and there will probably be some negativity. But if you do something you love, it shouldn’t matter at all.

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Eva runs “Eveoaks” since 2015 which quickly grew into an edgy and streetstyle based fashion blog.  She has worked with brands like Booking.com, Rituals, Livera, Jo Malone, Esprit, Vero Moda, Arket, Monki, Chiquelle and many more.