Women are your competition, not your friends.

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It was lunchtime and hundreds of teenagers came crawling into the cafeteria. Within this large pile of people a group of girls, like so many captured their favorite lunch spot, giggling with each other, talking about useless homework and their weekends. It seemed like a happy group of girls that cared about each other and as one of them stands up and walks towards the girls room, the others follow her with their eyes. A silence falls upon them and it remains quiet for a couple of milliseconds. Within these milliseconds something remarkable happens, suddenly their cheeriness evaporates, making place for poisonous gossip about their dear friend. While observing this I feel confused. What just happened? They were all best friends and now she is being criticized and ridiculed?
What brings girls to show this kind of behavior? Criticizing their friends clothes, weight, appearance, make-up, boyfriend crushes?

While I’m trying to take this all in I’m beginning to have my own group of girl friends. We seemed just as bubbly and fun and caring….until one of us breaks this sacred bubbly-group bond to go somewhere for a few minutes and the exact same behavior arises. Positive words becomes muddy dark contempt.
This kind of behavior seemed to have a magic spell on me too. Perhaps it is group pressure, perhaps because it is in all of us human beings. But it took me quite some weeks before I noticed my own participation in these verbally mud-throw slander. I was gossiping about girls which I considered to be my friends. I did the same damn terrible thing!
I disliked myself and after this revelation the friendships I had didn’t last. I could not handle my own contribution and I could not handle the feeling that these girls were doing the same thing behind my back. Don’t get me wrong, I did have some friends who were girls, but it was never a large group. It mostly consisted of three girls, me included.

Why does a group of girl friends seem to consider each other as competition and not as friends? Why are the questions: who is the prettiest, who is the skinniest, who has the best taste in clothes so relevant? Why can’t they be happy for each other? Jealousy? Envy? Some said that gossiping is an elaboration of feeling good about yourself. Putting yourself on a pedestal as you shatter that of your competition.
I am not implying that every group functions in this kind of way, I hope not. I base this purely on my own experiences and observations.

Although I’ve met some lovely girls in the past year who became dear friends there are still a lot of them who don’t really like me or it’s a pretend.
I asked one of my dear friends why this could be? Perhaps I’m too direct, too loud, too annoying. She remained quiet for a while and answered after several meditations: I think it’s because you are too skinny, most of them feel fat around you.
I guess no matter which age you have, these primal things will always influence the relationship you have or perhaps will establish.
I really hope my friend is wrong. It would be awesome to meet new and awesome girls, but not when they have that feeling around me.
So for now, I’ll have a beer with the guys.


1 Comment

  1. Joris
    March 7, 2016 / 12:22 pm

    Come and have a beer with me!

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Eva runs “Eveoaks” since 2015 which quickly grew into an edgy and streetstyle based fashion blog.  She has worked with brands like Booking.com, Rituals, Livera, Jo Malone, Esprit, Vero Moda, Arket, Monki, Chiquelle and many more.